My thoughts on digital marketing

I thought I’d gotten an email from my friend Raafi Rivero today.

For three or four seconds, I thought “Great, wonder how he is?”

I opened the email. There’s a link. Maybe it’s to his new movie?

Nope.

It’s a link to some lame weight-loss program.

His email had been hacked and he’d “sent” me an email.

Now, let’s rewind and figure out what happened here.

Who benefitted, who lost and who paid dollars for this:

  • An ass-wipe “digital marketer,” somewhere, told a 12 year old to somehow access my friend’s Gmail account and make it look like he’d sent this mail to a bunch of his friends.
  • I, like many people I guess, opened an email believing the mail was Kosher and from the person it said it was from.
  • Everyone who clicked on the link felt duped.
  • Anyone who remembered the name of the weight loss company wouldn’t feel good about them.
  • The ass-wipe was able to say his boss weight loss client “hey, look we got X,000 hits.”
  • The weight loss client is disappointed that despite the huge number of clicks, only .0003% people responded and none of them were serious.

Like every myopic dunderhead who feels “internet marketing” is “real” marketing, a few words:

Anytime you are trying to sell anything to anyone, never forget the rules of human nature: we like to buy from someone we know or trust; what you say to us is a ‘promise’ – if you keep it, we’ll come back to you, if you break it, we’ll never come back.

I worry that so much digital marketing is precipitated by 2 things:

  1. The removal of the person from the “humanity” of actual selling.
  2. An isolationist mentality driven by the need to report “measurable results.”

This kind of “marketing” is akin to sitting opposite someone on a date, getting out your phone and texting them.

Every form of marketing/advertising is a pale imitation of a real conversation:

–       a movie theater ad is a maybe 60 second one-on-one one-way monologue with lots of imagery, lots of sound and a captive audience.

–       a TV ad is maybe a 30 second one-way message, interrupted by kids, the dog, a baby crying, a phone call, the buzzer from the dryer going off.

–       a print ad is maybe a 10 second monologue, while your consume your cornflakes/ bagel/ coffee – with no animation, no sound, shouting at you to pay attention and read.

–       a billboard a 3 second message – at speed – as you’ll be in your SUV, on the phone, trying to remind you of a message.

–       an internet ad is even further down the food chain. A sub 1 second irritant.

HOWEVER, if you click (and often you cannot escape a page WITHOUT “clicking”), that click is registered and an unsuspecting client will be presented with all these statistic as to how many people have clicked on his or her site.

But in reality, the “internet marketer” has simply massaged data to keep himself employed.

He has communicated nothing, imparted nothing, sold nothing.

Merely annoyed potential customers and put them off of his client’s brand.

This is modern day snake oil, folks.

The tenets of all selling remain:

Who is my customer?

What do they need?

This is what I sell. Here is my promise. Here is my proof.

How can I serve you?

The fearful are obsessed with “measuring.”

If you accept the only thing you can actually measure are sales,

you’ll sleep easier,

make more money

and stop bothering us

with poorly conceived,

isolationist,

arrogant,

ineffective,

dangerous

email crap.

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